In Memory of Love
by 4evrwithSirius
Summary: Hermione has never been one to be completely open about her feelings. It's becoming harder to keep in. The one who understands is the one who reminds her of the one she missed most. Then she realizes she's not alone, not completely.


**A/N:** This was a spur of the moment idea I had. I've read a couple of stories about a Hermione/Sirius relationship and I loved it! It's not something a lot of people think about and I decided to do a story about that sort of thing but nothing technically happens because well, Sirius is dead. This is a look at a young woman's angst at losing love.

**Disclaimer**: THE ONLY THING I OWN IS THE PLOT AND THE FLASHBACK. I CREATED IT AND EVERYTHING ELSE IS CREDIT GIVEN TO J. K. ROWLING. Enjoy!

Hermione Granger sighed in frustration as she slammed the book shut. She surprised herself with the force she was using with her precious books. She got up from the chair in which she was sitting at the library and began to wander in the halls. She knew she would probably hate herself in the morning for not being able to concentrate on her Potions essay. Tomorrow would be another day in which she had failed to complete homework.

She wasn't able to concentrate on any of her work and was finishing it the day before it was due, just barely scraping a pass. Her steadily declining grades hadn't gone unnoticed, although none of the teachers said anything. She wasn't even able to help Ron Weasley and Harry Potter, her best friends who _always_ needed help, with their homework. Half the time _they_ were helping_ her_!

Hermione considered going to the Great Hall but decided against it. Ever since Sirius Black had fallen through the veil at the Ministry of Magic last June she hadn't felt much like eating. She had lost at least ten pounds because of it but honestly didn't care. And she constantly felt alone: like everyone was on one side of a huge glass and she was on the other. If she had eaten, it had been with Parvati Patil and Lavender Brown or with Ginny Weasley. Only once had she been brave enough to sit with George and Fred Weasley and their friend Lee Jordan. **Never** would she do _that_ again!

Ron and Harry weren't stupid though and knew something was up. But when asked what was wrong the answer was always the same: "_Ron, Harry," Hermione said tentatively trying to hold in her anger and to keep from exploding, "I've already told you that I'm just tired! If anything was wrong, more than likely I'd tell you." It was either that or 'I have a headache'. They would look at each other as if to say, 'Here we go again!'. _But the first one was true, she was tired. Hermione hardly ever slept. If she did, it would be after three nights of staring at the white ceiling and rolling over again and again!

If she had a choice she would only be avoiding Harry. She had nothing major against Ron. Harry may be the carbon copy of James but he held the fire and passion that he had picked up from another Marauder, Sirius. She couldn't bear to look at him before the hunger for mischief he had gotten from his godfather shone through.

Hanging out with Ron would be awkward because of his relationship with Lavender. She and Ron had tried going out once but she had found him snogging Lavender while they were supposed to be patrolling the halls. The sight had crushed her. But she had no choice when Harry went off to do his private lessons with Dumbledore.

_Wow, I sure do know how to get myself in the opposite direction of where I want to be,_ she thought bemusedly to herself as she found herself in front of the Prefects bathroom. "Pine fresh," she sighed to the green door.

Hermione had no idea how she had managed to get herself there or why. She walked over to the mirror and grimaced at the image she saw. Her hair was bushier than ever, she had bags under her eyes, her skin was pale and even though she didn't have buck teeth anymore, she felt as though she did. She could understand why Harry would want to go with Ginny and not her. But it was still hurtful all the same. Which was another good reason to avoid Harry: She had always had a thing for him but as he went for Ginny and she mourned for Sirius, all that had seemed to fall away.

Hermione walked out the door and along the corridors, not pausing once to say hello to passing friends. As she reached the Fat Lady she realized that she was starving. She would probably go down a bit later. "Gat corx," she said to the portrait and climbed through the whole as it swung open.

She threw her books down on the floor as she sat down in front of the fire. She hugged her knees to her chest and looked at the fire. As the fire became blurred, it became more of a screen and she remembered a time from last Christmas, when Sirius was alive: _Hermione rolled her eyes from behind her book as Ron screamed. As the screams were interrupted with shrieks of laughter she glanced up. Ron was screaming and slowly backing away from the window. If you squinted you could see a puny spider, the size of a small peanut, on the window crawling away from its web. It stared at Ron with milky eyes and he was trying not to let it get to close, but he wouldn't dare squash it._

_Ron jumped as the spider scuttled toward him. As the spider made its way from the window Hermione glanced around the room: the twins were holding each other up and wiping a tear away from their eye as the laughed, Ginny was clutching her side and she was red in the face she was laughing so hard, Hermione smiled slightly as she saw Sirius rolling around on the ground, barking his bark like laugh. Hermione continued to gaze at Sirius and looked up suddenly when she heard a new laugh._

_Harry had entered the room and had been confused at first but when he spotted the spider he laughed with everyone else. Ron slammed into a Christmas tree as the spider came towards him. The laughing became louder and you could just barely hear the tinkling of glass as ornaments came crashing down. Hermione couldn't help but laugh as well. The spider came towards the door and paused just under Harry's foot. He had been resting on his heel and snapped the ball of his foot down onto the spider as it had taken its pause._

_A look of disgust came across his face as he looked at the bottom of his shoe and flicked the spider guts away. As everyone calmed down, Ron could be seen squashed in a corner breathing heavily, his hand over his heart. "I guess Ron is afraid of spiders?" Sirius asked as he caught his breath._

_"Oh! 'Afraid' is a totally understatement! He is completely terrified!" Hermione laughed after she said this and everyone looked at her: she hadn't said a word the entire time. Sirius smiled and winked at her before looking at Ron; Hermione blushed. Ron's pale face regained color as he blushed as well, though not for the same reason._

_"Thanks Hermione! Now I know I can always count on you," Ron huffed trying to make sure no one missed the sarcasm._

_"No problem buddy," Hermione smiled as Sirius laughed again. She knew this would be a night to remember._

The memory faded and a single tear rolled down her cheek. That was the kind of thing she had wanted every Christmas but Voldemort and Bellatrix Lestrange had ruined that! Hermione sighed again as she looked out the window to the steadily darkening sky.

Harry entered through the portrait whole and looked around the common room. Hermione wasn't reading her book curled up on the sofa like she normally was. She was sitting cross legged in front of the fire, staring into its depths as if she needed its flames to keep her alive. "Hermione? Hermione are you alright? That's the second time you weren't down at dinner," Harry asked. When she didn't answer or look around or even nod her head to show that she had heard Harry looked at Ron.

Ron just shook his head as he shrugged as if to say he knew nothing. He sighed before reaching down and lightly grasping her shoulder. Nothing. He cleared his throat before saying, "Hermione listen to me. You can't not eat or even not tell us anything. We want to help! We are best friends Hermione; you can't ignore us forever you know." She nodded her head but it looked more like a twitch so Harry sat down next to her.

Harry hesitated before putting his hand on her back. She looked up at him and he saw tears rolling down the side of her face. It broke his heart to see her like this. He was about to try again when she suddenly turned her head away to look out the window. Confusion etched across his face. "Hermione ever since we got back from the Ministry you haven't been the same. Ever since Sirius died-" That had done it. Her head snapped back to Harry's as he mentioned Sirius. Now the tears were coming more rapidly.

Harry looked at Ron for support but he was looking into the fire. "I loved him," Hermione whispered.

Harry looked at her again before saying, "Sorry?"

Hermione looked at him as if contemplating if he was worth the effort before repeating, "I loved him. And now he's dead! I loved him. I-," she broke off, her voice cracking. She burst into sobs and put her head in her hands. Harry stared at her. Never once did he expect her to say anything like _that_. He hugged her close and rocked back and forth slightly, all the while whispering 'shhh. Its OK' She continued to sob into his shoulder. This went on for at least half an hour. She didn't hug back but Harry correctly assumed she was to exhausted to do so. When the crying stopped, he looked down at her and saw she had fallen asleep. He smiled before tapping Ron on the shoulder and looking back down at her to show her what had happened.

He picked her up before walking to the staircase. Her arms hung at odd angles from him. Her head was snuggled into his chest and she finally looked at peace with the world. He would have to take her to the boy's dormitory because he couldn't get up to the girls. As he walked in he heard Neville's snores. Harry set her gently onto his bed and sat on his knees on the floor. He didn't mind. He looked out the window into nothingness and realized that it finally made sense. Harry had gone through the same phase as Hermione, though his hadn't lasted as long. He hadn't eaten, hadn't slept, hadn't been able to finish his homework, and had looked worse for the wear. But that didn't explain why she was seemingly avoiding Harry. Especially more than Ron.

Harry ran his thumb over her cheek. She began to stir as he put his hand over her heart and said, "The ones that we love never really leave us. You can always find them in here." Hermione smiled at him as her eyes fluttered open. "I have one more question. Why were you avoiding me?" She frowned at him.

"Because I see so much of Sirius in you." It was Harry's turn to smile. He pulled her into a hug and she hugged him back. He kissed her forhead and hugged her tighter.

"He loved you Hermione. He _loves_ us all."

Hermione grinned into his shoulder and for the first time she could think with confidence that she wasn't alone.

**A/N: **Ok. now this is the first story I've ever actually finished without deleting it along the way. I _**really **_want to know what you guys think!!!!! So PLEASE!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you!!!!!


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